The House Guest
by shabbytiger
Summary: Annie shares a secret, and Jeff gets a house guest.    Rated PG13 for language and later will increase due to *cough* stuff. :P


_**First Community fic-any and all comments welcome. More to come.:)**_

Alone again.

Jeff contemplated a swift heel spin from the library doors when he saw the sexiest cardigan wearing Bambi eyed No Go Zone he had ever met sitting at her usual spot, _alone_, arranging pens next to her. Was she wiggling? He shook his head. But then he remembered. _Pens._ He stopped mid spin and strolled into the room, doling out his best "I am not imagining you naked" smile as she looked up. Annie, bless her soul had not yet mastered that particular smile, though she was well on her way to a complete arsenal he was learning, and he slid into his chair as quickly as humanly possible whilst looking nonchalant. Damn but she gave the best non verbal compliments ever with those big blues. And he felt dirty for noticing. But good dirty. Which made it extra dirty. Cue stress headache.

" Whatchya doin'?" He went for playful, and sounded like he was talking to a five year old. Shit. Somehow uptight Annie managed to subvert his immense natural ability to be cool in all situations. Not that she noticed. She was still staring at his chest, a little hazy eyed, and he wondered if that's what she looked like when...No Go Zone neon warnings started blinding him as she Hmm'd, distractedly. He grinned and snapped his empty folder open.

The sound woke her from her daze. And then she blushed, and looked freakin' adorable whilst doing it. _Blushing_. Doing blushing. Argh shit.

" So I think I'm gonna go grab a coffee till the others get here." More to himself as he went to rise, not expecting an answer.

" Oh, Troy and Britta are rehearsing for the end of term show, Pierce took the wrong pill so Shirley drove him home to sleep in his bed instead of in the cafeteria, and Abed texted me to say he's seeing his dad."

" Huh." Well this was awkward. Since the pen ghost and the Fluffy Town incident, the close camaraderie he and Annie had developed seemed great on the surface, and it was. But then he would find himself looking at her ass in those ridiculous skirts she wore, and notice her hot looks when the others were talking, and the connection became a taut thing, tenuous and easily snapped with one wrong move. Hell he wanted to move all kinds of wrong with her and that was the problem. Shit.

"If I told you a secret do you promise not to tell?" His entire nervous system began shut-down, and he wished he hadn't been quite so vociferous in watching lady loving action. Wasn't that always their secret? Bizarrely, a sudden image of Annie confessing her own lady loving status bought him back to reality and he put his folder back down and span back to face her. All Dr Phil minus the -okay Dr Phil was a leap too far.

" Sure." He clasped his hands and leant across the space between them. Then undid them because it made him think of religion. Then clasped them tighter as she glanced about in her Pink Panther way he found delightfully pointless, and proceeded to unbutton her cardigan. The tight mustard one.

Jesus. A better man may have spoken up, but frankly Jeff couldn't think of a single thing to say. And started regretting not having actual note paper in his empty folder, since for once in his Greendale life he was interested in something enough to take notes. Dimly, as each button popped, and the epic pen-off replayed in his head, sans the rest of the group in his fertile imagination, he grew aware of a voice. Managing to combine her current undressing with the memory of almost clashing chests (and be honest Winger-mouths), he wondered if it were normal to become so fixated with someone removing what was essentially an outer garment anyway, and then worried that he had finally succumbed to Greendale madness. What kind of pervert got so turned on by mustard plastic buttons being undone for God's sake? Realising that his eyes were wide as saucers and starting to sting he pulled them reluctantly from her slim fingers and their action's to watch her mouth move. Oh God she had that earnest expression and her mouth was moving ridiculously fast. Which meant she probably did have a secret. And not the porn kind. Some crazy Annie "guess what" secret that (hopefully) inevitably led him to spend an inordinate amount of time with her in compromising situations. He turned his ears on.

" So what do you think should I tell him or should I just take care of it myself when I am settled because you know he isn't very responsible and if I do tell then everyone is going to go crazy at me after what happened-"

" Woah there mileaminute Mary, what are you saying?" From the machine gun tone and utter panic in her eyes Jeff felt his stomach clench uncomfortably. Tell who? Tell what? Irresponsible?

A penny disguised as a lead weight dropped for a dizzying second." Jesus Annie are you pregnant?" A strained whisper. Was she trying to reveal a bump? His kind blanked out for a second.

Unsure why he cared quite so much that waiting for her response was making his teeth hurt, Jeff was no longer interested in her cardigan strip show. Which was totally the wrong moment to lose focus as a small furry face poked from the now half undone mustard fabric and grinned at him. He jerked back in his seat. Shit!

" Sorry what Jeff?" The small hands were clutching her hair and she hefted him out of the bowels of her cardigan. Cradling the monkey like a baby. But very much not a baby.

"Annie's Boobs?" He looked up to her face, beyond confused and utterly relieved all at once. No baby, just Troy's ex-pet monkey. Wow. He took a moment to reflect on the poor choices he had made leading him to this second and that statement. He shook his head.

" Jeff! I told you, I'm calling him Leonard. He does look like him doesn't he?" Jeff peered at the monkeys face with a pained expression, and got a blown raspberry for his trouble.

" Ah yes, there it is. The indomitable Leonard spirit." Smiling weakly, he pinched the bridge of his nose. Not pregnant was Very Good. Too many images followed and he sighed. Yup, this was crazy guess what time all right.

" So?" Now he was floundering in her eyes again, and swallowed. What the hell was he supposed to say? She usually just sounded off and needed a general affirmation that whatever she was doing was right. It pissed him off usually, since frankly she was the most sensible and organised of the group, and often arranged _them_ but now, the habit worked in his favour. She wanted to look after Troy's ex pet? Whatever.

" Yes." He nodded solemnly, hoping that worked. Next thing he knew the monkey was being smuggled from her top and placed in his hands, and she was talking again and buttoning up her cardigan. Feeling very much like the most clueless man on campus, well, apart from the Dean, he blinked, wondering what he had missed. And noticing how very warm the monkey was. Annie warm. _Stop it you dirty bad man._

" Oh Jeff that's great! I was so scared you'd say no, I know how particular you are about your things. I promise as soon as my apartment is ready I'll take him back."

Wait, what now?

" He is really cold, I think he has been living in the air vents, hence the whole monkey down my top scene, after all monkeys are from hot places right? Being cold can not be natural."

" Annie he's wearing a neckerchief. I am pretty sure they don't sit around making those to sell wholesale in monkey land. Pet monkeys aren't natural." And why am I saying that and not handing the monkey back again?

" That's true." Tears now, pooling in those tools of torture she masqueraded as eyes. " He's been snatched from his home, everything he knows, and forced to wear outfits for our entertainment, he's got no home, nobody to love, nobody to- "

" Jesus Annie I get it." The monkey is me Jeff thought sourly, staring into the Leonard face as the monkey sat on his lap, poised to kill him. " How long till your apartments done again?" Not going to, going to resist-ah crap, Annie alone in her apartment, answering the door. In nothing but-

" Two weeks max. The last tenant was a pot head, and my dad refuses to let me move in till the whole place had been redecorated and fumigated." Two weeks. Jeff stared into Leonard's eyes, and fervently wished the monkey still had its old moniker. At least he could derive some Butthead style pleasure from calling for Annie's Boobs around his home. _" Yo Annie's Boobs where you at?"_ A smile twitched on his mouth and Annie pounced on the minuscule movement.

" So is it okay Jeff? I'll do everything I swear. You'll hardly notice the disruption honest." With her hair loose and eyes wide, she looked angelic. Jeff wasn't fooled for a moment. Though he did spot that she hadn't buttoned her cardigan all the way back up, leaving a glimpse of some flimsy looking vest beneath. Damn her and her extraordinary learning curve. Ever since the debate she kept that little trick tucked in her backpack for easy deployment.

" Fine." Jeff stood, and found that Leonard clung on, gripping his side under his arm like a kid. It was very disturbing. " Not loving this Annie. I better be getting grade A essays till we graduate for this favour." The empty binder left the table and Annie all but tipped her books and pens into her back pack in her haste. No separate compartments today Jeff mused. This monkey had her way excited.

" What are you doing?" She was right in his face as he made to leave, and settle his new house guest in. Shit. " Annie is Ann-Leonard house broken?"

" Yeah, Abed had him toilet trained within two days. You know it was during his whole, Big Man on Campus phase. Oh and I'm coming with you."

Through the library doors, and down the hall, they fell in step with each other, as Leonard hitched his ride, seemingly happy with his new caretaker, though Jeff was sure a mournful look crossed the little face as they passed a vent in the hall. Weird.

" Annie, I'm sure we'll be fine. I really don't need-"

" What do monkeys eat Jeff?"

He paused, the enormity of what he was undertaking hitting him full force. He knew shit all about animals. Full Stop.

He raised a hopeful eyebrow. " Protein shakes?"

Annie just gripped the straps of her back pack and shook her head. Dammit.

" Fine. Settle him in. And go shopping. And answer your phone 24/7 Edison because I am not cleaning crap off my new carpet for nobody. It's your monkey not mine." The car park was in sight.

" Sure Jeff. Whatever you need." She was practically skipping beside him. Jeff threw a suspicious glance her way. She was enjoying this way too much. Or maybe she was excited about moving out, and wanting a new pet to take the fear of being lonely away, especially the monkey that Greendale milk cartons still bore the picture of. Whatever the reason, her so happy, kind of made him lighter.

" Right. Home" Jeff was valiant in his attempts this time. And didn't think about getting Annie naked once._ Oh shit._ Okay just the once.


End file.
